Grow the Glow

Why do we resist doing things we know we’ll enjoy, even when the things we’re avoiding could give us a mood boost? Last weekend, I went to a 3-day mountain wedding with live music and dancing. The first night, I watched from the sidelines, then left early and returned to my cabin thinking I needed a good night’s sleep. The second night, I decided to step out of my comfort zone, say hello to my vulnerability and dance the night away. It was the best time I’ve had in a while—and good for the soul.

How do we find the motivation to get out there, especially when we’re feeling depleted, down or disconnected? Contrary to what you may think, our drive to seek out joy is something we can strengthen, just like a muscle. In psychology speak, this is called strengthening our reward sensitivity.

Reward sensitivity is a personality trait that reflects how strongly a person responds to positive reinforcement. People with high sensitivity are motivated by potential rewards and may engage in riskier behaviors to get them. While those with low sensitivity may be less driven by rewards. This trait is linked to the brain's dopamine system, which influences motivation and pleasure-seeking.

Even if we’re on the lower end of the spectrum, we can train ourselves to notice and savor positive experiences. This can activate reward pathways and literally rewire our brains for happiness.

What the Research Says

Therapists and mental health professionals tend to focus on decreasing a client’s negative symptoms. But research has found that it’s equally effective to teach clients how to boost joy and positivity.

A 2023 study co-led by Dr. Sylvia Meuret found that when subjects focused on amping up their positive emotions, they reported “superior” improvements compared to the group whose therapy focused only on reducing negative emotions or symptoms.

Similarly, a 2024 study led by Dr. Lucas LaFreniere explored the effects of positive thinking on 85 college students. The study looked at interventions like savoring, a technique designed to enhance the enjoyment of positive experiences. Students were given smartphone prompts to plan joyful activities, savor positive moments and look forward to future events. Over time, those who practiced savoring found notable improvements, particularly in stress reduction and a boost in mood.

In short, “growing the glow of positive emotions,” said Dr. LaFreniere, is about focusing on, appreciating and enhancing happy experiences.

Change Your Brain with Positivity

Dr. Rick Hanson, in Hardwiring Happiness, writes that when we habitually focus on absorbing positive moments, the brain's natural negativity bias can be countered. He suggests taking in the good using the HEAL model:

Have: Notice a positive experience. This could be something simple, like a walk in the park, a compliment or even a feeling of relaxation.

Enrich: Make the experience richer by extending your focus. Stay with the positive feelings and deepen the sensations. For example, focus on the warmth of the sun on your skin, the wind in your hair and the sounds of nature as you allow these sensory details to permeate your mind.

Absorb: Imagine the experience sinking into your being, like water soaking into a sponge. Breathe it in. This step helps to reinforce the positive feelings in your neural circuitry.

Link: Take this practice one step further by allowing your positive emotions to soothe the negative. For example, if you’re feeling stressed about work, you can let the calmness of the sunset remind you that you can carry this peaceful feeling into your work stress.

Stretch Those Positive Feelings

Once you get the hang of growing the glow, try stretching your positive emotions using these simple tips:

1. Grow Your Vocabulary
   Having a rich emotional vocabulary helps us better understand and deepen our positive experiences. Instead of saying “I feel good,” use more descriptive language like “euphoric,” “grateful,” “serene,” or “excited.” Research has found that affect labeling, or the practice of putting feelings into words, can increase the intensity of positivity.

2. Reframe Your Thinking
   In the midst of a hardship, ask yourself what lessons can be learned?How can this experience help you grow? Positive reframing can help you shift from a focus on what’s wrong to a focus on what can be gained, nurturing optimism in difficult times.

3. Share the Positive
   When something good happens, spread the joy. Expressing your emotions not only reinforces them for yourself but also has a ripple effect to others.

4. Look Forward
   Anticipation is a powerful tool. Plan activities you know will bring happiness, whether it’s a weekend getaway, a night out with friends or savoring time alone. Planning for happiness stretches positive emotions into the future and keeps you feeling optimistic about what’s ahead.

5. Give Yourself Permission
   Sometimes we hold ourselves back from feeling joy because it can make us feel vulnerable. I’ve heard clients say they’re afraid to feel happy because they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s a common misconception that exposing your feelings can make you weak. The truth is, vulnerability makes you strong and opens you up to finding genuine happiness.

So the next time you feel like watching others dance from the sidelines, try getting out there and stretching your happiness muscle.