Getting Out of Your Own Way

Self-sabotage. It’s the frustratingly human habit of digging a hole and jumping into it, all while wondering why you’re stuck. If you’ve ever set a goal only to procrastinate, overindulge or distract yourself into forgetting you set a goal in the first place, you’re not alone. Why do we do this? And more importantly, how do we stop?

The answer lies in understanding our intent, the sneaky psychological rewards behind self-sabotage and how to finally step out of our own way.

What Is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotage is the art of being your own worst enemy—often with surprising finesse. It’s deciding to write that big presentation … after you reorganize your pantry for the first time in five years. It’s buying new gym clothes instead of actually going to the gym. It’s eating one extra chocolate chip cookie because, hey, life is short—but somehow forgetting that the regret will last longer than the cookie.

What’s more, self-sabotage isn’t just random, self-destructive chaos. It’s strategic chaos. Beneath the surface, our brains are chasing a psychological reward, like comfort, control or avoiding failure. Unfortunately, the trade-off is long-term dissatisfaction.

The Why

Believe it or not, self-sabotage makes sense—in the short term, anyway. Here’s why:

Comfort Over Growth: Change is hard. Whether it’s starting a new project or saying no to dessert, the discomfort of self-discipline can feel unbearable. Self-sabotage offers an instant escape hatch back to the familiar.

Avoiding Failure: If you don’t try, you can’t fail, right? By sabotaging ourselves, we maintain the illusion of control—better to blame procrastination than admit we gave our best and fell short.

The Thrill of Distraction: Let’s be honest: “one more episode” of your favorite show is way more thrilling than facing a tough task. The human brain loves novelty, and self-sabotage can feel like a dopamine hit in an otherwise dull moment.

Low Self-Worth: When we don’t feel worthy of success or happiness, we unconsciously act in ways that reinforce those beliefs. Think of it as your inner critic playing both coach and referee—badly.

Control Freakery: If life feels unpredictable, self-sabotage can create a twisted sense of stability. Skipping the interview? You’re controlling the outcome (even if it’s a disaster).

The How

Self-sabotage shows up in many forms, including:

Procrastination: “I’ll do it tomorrow. Definitely. Maybe. Actually, never.”

Impulsive Reactions: Responding to a rude email with a scorched-earth reply. (Effective? No. Satisfying? Sometimes.)

Self-Medicating: Whether it’s with food, substances, shopping or mindless scrolling, distractions dull the pain—until they don’t.

Overindulgence: That “just one more cookie” moment? It’s not about the cookie. It’s about soothing boredom or stress in a way that ultimately leaves you feeling worse.

Avoidance: Skipping tasks, conversations or decisions that feel overwhelming, only to pile on more stress later.

The problem with self-sabotage is that it’s a gateway habit. The more you do it, the easier it gets—and before long, you’ve built a belief system around your own incapability.

The Roots

Let’s get to the heart of what drives self-sabotage:

Boredom: When life feels predictable, we crave excitement—even if it’s the wrong kind. Eating junk food or impulse shopping isn’t about hunger or necessity; it’s about breaking monotony.

Control: If life feels out of control, self-sabotage can create a false sense of power. You’re calling the shots, even if those shots are straight to your foot.

Poor Self-Esteem: When you don’t believe you deserve good things, you unconsciously work to confirm it. Think of it as a reverse pep talk: “Why bother? You’ll fail anyway.”

Imposter Syndrome: The fear of being exposed as a fraud leads to either overcompensating or quitting altogether. Better to bow out early than risk being found out, right?

Scapegoating: Sometimes, we create obstacles so we can point to them as the reason we didn’t succeed. It’s not me; it’s the distraction/obligation/stress/astrological retrograde.

How to Stop

The good news? Self-sabotage is a habit, not a personality trait, which means it can be unlearned. Here’s how:

Examine Your Intentions: Pause before acting and ask, “What am I really trying to achieve here?” Often, self-sabotage is a shortcut to an emotional reward (like comfort or distraction). Identifying the need can help you meet it in healthier ways.

Challenge Your Thoughts: Replace “I’ll never succeed” with “What if I just try?” Even small mindset shifts can create momentum.

Start Small: Forget the grand overhaul. Focus on one micro-change at a time, like setting a timer to work for just five minutes.

Replace Bad Habits: Bored? Instead of snacking or scrolling, take a walk, doodle or call a friend. Find alternatives that align with your long-term goals and values.

Embrace Imperfection: Self-sabotage thrives on perfectionism. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and move forward anyway.

Celebrate Wins: Even the smallest victories deserve recognition. Progress isn’t about perfection, it’s about persistence.

The Takeaway

Self-sabotage doesn’t make you weak, lazy or doomed. It makes you human. Understanding why you do it—and the psychological rewards behind it—is the first step to breaking free.

So the next time you’re tempted to procrastinate, overindulge or distract yourself into inaction, take a breath. Ask yourself: Is this helping or hurting my future self? And if you decide to eat the cookie, make sure it’s the best cookie ever—and stop at one.

Because life is too short to be your own worst enemy. It’s time to be your own biggest ally instead.