Get Better at Talking Politics with DBT
Let’s face it: talking politics these days feels like navigating a minefield. But what if I told you there’s a way to have calmer, more productive conversations—even with people whose views make you want to scream?
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) has become one of the most popular evidenced-based treatments in the mental health zeitgeist for managing intense emotions, improving interpersonal relationships and building resilience through mindfulness and distress tolerance.
Although DBT is best understood and practiced in a therapy setting, there are resources out there that provide a simplified explanation of the modality, like DBT For Dummies. This user-friendly guide can help you navigate emotional challenges and may even prevent election debates from escalating into full-blown political brawls.
DEAR MAN Technique
The DEAR MAN technique is designed to help you communicate your needs clearly and assertively without creating conflict, making it particularly useful in emotionally charged political discussions.
Describe: Start by describing the issue in a straightforward, neutral way. Avoid personal attacks and just lay out the facts.
Express: Share how you feel about the topic without blaming the other person. Using “I” statements can help—like, “I feel strongly about this because…”
Assert: Politely but firmly state your opinion. Don’t let the conversation steer away from your point, but don’t bulldoze, either.
Reinforce: Explain why it’s valuable to hear each other out. Maybe say, “I think we could both learn something from this.”
(Stay) Mindful: Keep focused on the discussion. Try not to get distracted or respond impulsively, especially if emotions rise. Staying mindful during a debate allows us to pause, breathe and return to our center so that we are clear about our intentions.
Appear confident: Believe in your own stance without sounding aggressive. People are more likely to listen when you stay calm and collected.
Negotiate: Be open to compromise. Offer alternatives, or agree to disagree on some points—this shows respect and keeps the conversation going in a non-judgmental direction.
Another DBT skill that can help reshape political talk is validation. Learning to constructively validate doesn’t mean you have to agree with someone’s extreme opinions. It means you can acknowledge the feelings behind their views. Something as simple as, “I see why you might feel that way,” can keep the dialogue going in a more productive and respectful direction.
Lastly, try to calm down and cultivate an attitude of acceptance and kindness. Your disposition and demeanor can change the tone of a conversation in an instant.
Journalist and creator of Know Your Value, Mika Brzezinski, has shared how DBT For Dummies helped her handle the emotionally charged debates on live TV. If it can help her keep cool while interviewing argumentative politicians, it can definitely help the rest of us manage awkward political chats with family or friends.
By using these DBT techniques, you can keep things civil, stay grounded and maybe even change a few minds (or at least keep yours).